Don’t Overdo it with the Negatives….

Oftentimes, when adults talk to teenagers about waiting until marriage for sex (as they should), things can sound pretty negative: “Don’t have sex, because there are so many STDs out there.”  “Don’t have sex, because you don’t want to get pregnant before you are ready to take on the responsibility of parenthood.”  “Don’t have sex, because it’s a sin if you aren’t married.”  “Don’t have sex, because you will be emotionally destroyed if the relationship ends.”  Of course, these are all very true statements, and it is important for young people to hear these messages.  However, as an educator on issues of human sexuality, I urge you not to forget to share with our young people, all the positives of waiting until marriage.

Here are some tips:

1. Remind them that chastity is not a giant NO, but rather, a giant YES to authentic love, physical, emotional, and spiritual health, one’s future spouse and family, etc.

2. Remind them that anyone can say “yes,” but it’s much harder to say “no.”   Also, by saying “no” to temporary pleasures now, one’s “yes” later on will have much more meaning (more on this in the next blog post).

3. Chastity prepares you for your future vocation: discipline, sacrifice, self-giving, self-control, etc. are not learned overnight.

4. Chastity is Fidelity Insurance: “A person who has sex outside of marriage shows that they are willing to have sex with someone they aren’t married to.”

5. Encourage dating with purpose.  Have your teens develop a list of the qualities they would like in their future spouse. They can use this list to evaluate their own qualities, and it can help them to consider who to date: Is this someone they could potentially marry someday? Would he/she make a good husband, wife, father, or mother? If not, is it worth wasting your time, and more importantly, your heart, on something that is practically guaranteed to fail and lead to heartbreak?  As a bonus, It will also help them to avoid dating for the sake of dating, which will lower the number of break ups and broken hearts they have to endure.

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