On Being Single

Dear Girls & Boys in Grades 6-10,

Are you single?  Well, guess what!  That is GREAT NEWS!  Why?

BECAUSE THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING SINGLE!  The middle school and early high school years are perfect for being independent, trying new things, figuring out what you like and don’t like, and making friends with all different types of people.  That can be very hard to do when you are in a relationship!  Also, as a young person, it is very easy to allow your boyfriend/girlfriend to define who you are, without even realizing it.  Don’t let that happen!

Remember that the person you are today is NOT the person you will be 5 or 10 years from now.  Take it from me.  I am 25 years old.  When I look back on my middle school and high school years, I often think, “What was I thinking?”  Why did I wear that?  I had a crush on him?”

Over the next few years, you will grow and mature immensely, and the people you date in middle school and high school will probably not even be people you keep in close contact with after graduation.  In fact, the odds of you marrying the person you date in middle school or high school are slim.

So, try not to waste your time, energy, and heart on something that will probably not last.  Instead, use the freedom that singleness gives you to focus on what will last: your relationship with yourself, with your family, with your friends, with humanity in general, and with God.

I encourage you to pray for a few minutes every day, and learn as much about God as you can.  Take some time to discover the immense dignity He has bestowed upon you! Also, remember to enjoy your youth, because when you are an adult, all you will want to do is be a kid again!  Trust me, you will have plenty of time to date and have romantic relationships when you are older.  Plenty.  Most importantly, though, try to remember to trust in God.  He created you, loves you, wants what is best for you, and has great, exciting plans for your future!

Speaking of trusting in God, I didn’t always do that as much as I should have.  I never dated in middle school or high school, and I often felt left out.  But, now, looking back, I am so glad that my first date, my first boyfriend, and my first kiss, all happened in my freshmen year of college!  This is because, in middle school and high school, I was able to be really focused on myself.  I performed in a ton of plays and was in a bunch of other clubs and honor societies.  I also had time to babysit to make some money, volunteer to help others, and play on the flag football team!  I got really good grades, and colleges were very impressed with all that I had the time to accomplish!  Unlike some kids, I never had to balance a dating relationship with my homework, family obligations, or extracurricular activities.  I never had to choose between hanging out with friends or with a boyfriend, and I never had to deal with break ups or a broken heart.  My own interests came first, I learned about myself, and I really developed into the person I wanted to be.  By the time I had my first date, I knew who I was, and I didn’t need to lean on anyone else to provide my identity for me.  I knew what I valued, what was right and wrong, and how I deserved to be treated in a relationship.

I am thankful that God allowed me to be single for as long as I was, and I hope that all of you young, single people out there can look upon your singleness as a blessing, rather than a curse.  Please know that you have been given a gift.  Don’t waste it!

Sincerely,

Nicole

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

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